I'm not sure how often you visit this site, if you do at all, anymore. But I'll try to give you an objective opinion and perhaps some advice. Please, have in mind that all I say is meant in a most benign way, so I hope you don't take anything wrong or get offended.
Having taken into consideration everything you have said, I would recommend you try and lurk around some alternative communities, search and ask around a little bit. It certainly won't hurt your cause.
In fact, I believe that the closest thing to what you are is a kinkster. Kinksters are basically people whose interests and passions are alternative and therefore "abnormal" by general society norms. Even though the word "kinky" is used mainly in a sexual context nowadays, the world of kinksters extends further than just the realm of sexuality. It reflects in the nature of sexual, social, behavioral and general lifestyle habits.
Covering a large and diverse span of things such as roleplay, fetishes, sado-masochism, dominance/submission, blood play, body modification, spirituality, diferrent states of mind and emotion, food preferences...it's all incorporated in such alternative lifestyle communities and their members.
Now, I'm not saying you necessarily belong there, but I think it would be a good place for you to start inquiring and searching for ways to realize your potential and your preferences.
If you want, you can leave some more details about your feelings and interests, and maybe I, or another member here can give you a more accurate reccomendation or advice on what you could do/where you could look.
Again, I apologize if anything I said was offensive to you, or if you feel I was mistaken or wrong to answer at all.
All the best to you in finding who you are and a place you can be it,