One would think that I would have known there was a vampire community on the web, considering how much I use it. But for some reason, it never occurred to me to find others like myself. Not until now, that is...
I am not out to convince anyone, though I feel like others may be able to help ME understand myself more. This seemed the most appropriate place to post this.
I am 31 years young. I am quiet, unassuming, and have been described as pretty, though people can never tell me why exactly. I suffer insomnia, butapart from that, have never really truly ill. I would assume that the idea of drinking the blood of others may be taboo, but I feel the desire to be honest if I\'m to get an honest response. I\'ve been drinking blood since I was around 13 years old. At the time, I didn\'t understand. I was scared, and told my parents. I\'ve been tested for every blood and physical disorder under the sun, and nothing is conclusive. Though I am married to my best friend (who is also my donor), I have trouble sustaining normal friendships. I feel I am kind, giving... but I am regularly shied away from for reasons I cannot understand.
Life has been steady until a year ago. My donor gives to me once a week, and a fair amount. We are sterile, safe and clean with our process. But lately, it does not seem enough. I have been experiencing excruciating leg cramps if I do not feed from him on a very regular, very hearty basis. I become tired, exhausted even, but no matter how I try, I cannot actually sleep. Doctors, even some specialists, cannot tell me what is wrong with me. My blood screens have all come back normal, my CT scans were flawless, my weight is absolutely ideal. I also had an ultrasound, at which point nothing was found out of the ordinary. I am also famished. I eat, and eat, and eat, and neither do I gain or lose weight, I just can\'t seem to get enough to eat. I even ventured as far as to spend a hefty amount of time with a psychiatrist, who gave me a spotless bill of mental health. I explained to her my need for blood, and at first, she was convinced that I was clinically depressed. After weeks with her, she looked at me simply and said,\"I have no answers. You are well rounded, stable, and do not exhibit any symptoms of mental health issues, aside from the blood consumption.\" Kind and honest as she was, I did not find the answers I sought from her. I\'ve exhausted my brain, and my wallet, trying to find the answers. And the more questions I ask, the more questions I seem to have.
My husband wants to give me what I need, and to a point, he does. But I fear that I am exhausting him as well. I dare not to take more from him than he can physically, or emotionally handle. But I feel like my body is betraying me because I am not providing to it the fuel that it needs to sustain me.
When the leg cramps begin, I know that I\'ve gone to long without feeding. I alert my donor, and we make it happen. Usually, within 24 hours, the leg cramps stop, and I will literally sleep for twelve straight hours. And when I wake, I feel better. But the frequency of the leg cramps is ramping up, and I do not know what I am to do..
Perhaps someone can help?